Thursday, February 08, 2007

I lost all my playlists so I'm making new ones

I'm not sure how I managed to lose all of my playlists on iTunes. A few days ago, I moved half of my mp3s onto the F drive, so as to create more space on C, but I don't understand how or why that would do it. Too much IT know-how for the Office IT girl I guess. So, I've decided that I'm going to create some new playlists. The old ones were pretty lame. Mark Steele lectures, research I was doing on 1991, disco, hiphop, 80s shit. My ex once opened one of the playlists and commented that I wasn't even being consistent with the genres, so perhaps a thematically-centered tactic will work for me. So - check it out.... My first playlist will be RAGE AGAINST THE EX. It's a bit mean since I know he glances at my blog, presumably to see how I'm doing, as opposed to having a real conversation with me. I might have mentioned that on the weekend before last (Saturday 27th January, to be exact) I sent him a text saying that I couldn't see him ever again, or at least not for a very long time, because I was far from being over the end of our relationship. I'd gone over to his house for a meal, and when I asked him if he'd like to go out to eat on the next Friday, a treat for his birthday, he mumbled "maybe" and shrugged. Maybe's just don't cut it in my world. I put on my coat and left, then sent him that text. After much contemplation, I've realised that it's unfair to myself to see him. It's been 5 months since our split, and I suppose things were far from over when we did split, just a little less than ideal, so it's unrealistic to expect that we can both just "be friends" in such a short space of time. That evening, I got ridiculously drunk at a party, fell and hurt my arm. You've heard that one. The following Thursday, I was sitting in the Evening Star with Adam, Jeanette, and Shiny & co, and I tell Jeanette all the to-ing and fro-ing and she concludes that we are the real thing. Resplendent with a major cold, exhaustion and 2 bottles of Westons (so bad but so good), I fall off my stool. "No way, don't even start." Throughout the week everyone is impressed with my strength of mind on the matter, since usually I'm a bit fickle and wishywashy with matters of the heart. The following weekend, I go to my friend's housewarming party in Bow, get ridiculously drunk, and try to eat a plastic donut. I'm told that when I realised it wasn't real, I chucked it across the room. It was my ex's bday on Sunday and I was feeling pretty rotten, knowing that he was a stone's throw away in East London, probably fucked out of his mind and copping off with some girl. However, I knew and know that things will get better. This week has been like a bowl of cold lumpy oatmeal, and the only sexy thing I've done is order an ipod to celebrate my birthday (end of the month). I've been doing a bit of freelance work, so I deserve it. Monday night is the slam poetry extravaganza "Hammer and Tongue" at the Komedia. Tuesday is an early night in. Wednesday is sausage and mash at Kesh's. Last night......guess what? ex phones. Wants to ask what our postcode was and to thank me for the flowers and the expensive bottle of French wine I gave him as a belated bday present. I had to go collect money off him on behalf of housemates for old bills on Monday, so I felt it would have been a bit mean to turn up empty-handed. "Great," I said breathlessly. I'd just finished a mind-blowing session with an army of hyper 14 year olds, trying to help them finish their mag in Peacehaven and was running for the bus when he phoned. Ex then suggests that he'll ring me another time and we'll "go for a drink sometime." I absently agree, switch off, and sit on top of the bus trying to recover my breath and sanity. When it hits me. NO IM NOT GOING TO MEET UP WITH MY EX FOR A DRINK LIKE ALL OF A SUDDEN WE'RE FRIENDS. dammit. It really made me angry. I got home, had my M&S pizza, had some wine, tried to watch a film, but realised I really had to have words. Did he not get my text? What was that all about? "Did you not get my text?" "Yeah, it said to phone you." "No, the other one. The one that said I didn't think we should see each other." "Yeah." "Well, there. I can't meet up with you for a drink." "Fine." As Shiny McShine aka Chris pointed out last Thursday at the Evening Star, at least this decisive move meant I didn't have any problems anymore. True. I had to buy phone credit to tell me ex that. Damn him. I'm tired of him thinking he can call of the shots. Screw him. I'm not going to start on my RAGE AGAINST THE EX playlist right now because a/ I have Brodinski on and he is so cool and b/I have to go to work. Maybe I'll wait til the next time ex pisses me off to compile it. Hm. And yes, I'm fine (mother, friends who don't live in UK). I'm happy at work, a bit stressed about film premiere, need to stop being so busy and find some time to write. Good things are bubbling underneath the surface, and in a way, I can't wait until March so I can get a sizeable chunk of writing done. A xx

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2 Comments:

Blogger Adam Field said...

If you go to Finetune you can stick a playlist right on your blog.

5:36 AM  
Blogger Amy said...

Hi Adam

Thank you ! I'll check it out. I think I've gotten past the rage part and settled into gently bubbling along.

Amy

8:23 AM  

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